Drowning In The Sun
by Dee1431
Summary: Marissa's problems have always followed her where ever she went, so she found a way to solve her problems. But what if that way of solving problems isn't safe? Will Ryan be able to save her or will it be too late? RM TwoShot
1. When You've Lost The Will To Run

He never noticed it.

He never noticed how many times he would offer her something to eat or he'd ask if she were hungry and she'd answer "no, I'm fine" or "I ate something earlier." It wasn't because he did not care, because he did, he cared more for her than words could ever describe. The reason he didn't notice was because he trusted her, he trusted her more than himself and he never imaged that she capable of doing something like this.

She was a dancer, always had been since she was four years old. She did every type of dance, jazz, tap, hip hop, but she especially focused on ballet. Ballet was her specialty, mostly because she had the skinny body for it but also because she had the grace, she had the precision and the discipline. She was what the dance teacher would call the "Ballet Novelty" set for the best, sure to have a free trip to Julliard. Her parents were so proud to have her as a daughter; she was beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking.

After attending Julliard, she stayed in New York to audition for the Nutcracker, to possibly be the best ballet dancer, which she had potential for. On her journey of auditioning, she met someone who would change her life forever, Ryan. He had gone to New York University College of Arts and Science on a full scholarship for academics from a fancy Prep School in upstate New York. He was an Economics major, hoping to work for the New York Stock Exchange. They met while she was food shopping, he had "accidentally" walked into her and they he introduced himself and that's where it started. It developed quickly, after having one date; they both knew they were in way over their heads with each other. They saw each other as much as possible, every second they had of free time went to each other. They truly did love each other and made it a point not to let anything get in the way of their relationship. 

Marissa got into the Nutcracker, scoring the leading role of the Sugar Plum Fairy, which was a major dream for any ballet dancer. She felt like she was on a high that would never come down, she had everything she wanted. The ballet status that she had worked for her entire life, a boyfriend that was so attentive to her and cared for her so much and parents that supported her through everything. Her parents and Ryan also got along amazingly and had come to see her perform three times during the entire Christmas season, showing their support for their talented daughter or girlfriend.

Unfortunately, that high did not last. It came down when she and Ryan started to fight because he said that she never wanted to spend time with him, which wasn't true. She had been so busy with practice that she never had time to but he just didn't want to listen. Her parents had been fighting a lot and that divorce was a possibility her mother had disclosed to her, making her almost faint. Her parents' getting a divorce was the last thing she needed to hear, but that wasn't the worst. Lastly, the Nutcracker had told her that if she didn't lose excess weight then she would be replaced.

They couldn't replace her, she was Marissa Cooper. She was the Sugar Plum Fairy, she did every turn, every jumpy, ever plié correctly. She couldn't lose the one thing that made her talented, without that title, she had nothing. And she couldn't lose Ryan, the one person she loved deeply with all her heart. The one man, who loved all of her, understood her and didn't judge her. He didn't see her just as the Sugar Plum Fairy, he saw her as just Marissa and that was good enough for him. Lastly, her parents couldn't get a divorce, not Julie and James cooper. They had always been the perfect couple, they had the marriage she wanted to have, they had the love she craved for…they just couldn't get a divorce…they couldn't.

She and Ryan talked luckily and they had slowly started to work things out, she told him what had been happening and he was there to comfort her like he always was. She started to do it slowly; skipping meals…it wasn't a big deal she thought. Then it more frequently, she would skip and go to the gym to work out. The Nutcracker had told her she had done what they asked and lost the weight and they were happy with her. But it still wasn't enough because for those few days, she wasn't perfect. She wasn't the woman she strived to be, she wasn't who she needed to be. She could have easily been replaced, or Ryan could have easily broken up with her, and her parents could have easily filed for divorce. So she didn't allow it to happen, losing weight had solved one of her problems last time, so maybe it would solve another problem this time.

She couldn't deal with her life anymore, everything had gone wrong. Ryan had asked for a break, saying that he felt that if she wasn't going to act like she cared, then he wasn't going to pretend to be alright. She never knew what heartbreak was truly like, but this was even worse than she had imagined. A couple days after Ryan asked for a break, her parents called to tell her that they just couldn't work it out and were going to file for divorce. And lastly, the Nutcracker had told her that there was a new girl, fresh out of Julliard with an amazing dance record. They told her that she would be auditioning for Sugar Plum Fairy and that if she was good enough, Marissa would be replaced. They had said that Marissa was allowing her personal life to get too involved with her dancing.

Marissa felt the world crash onto her shoulders, she had nothing left. She was no longer the perfect girl she had been trying to be her entire life; she had lost everything she worked for. Her little secret started to slip in more now and then, it first starting off as an easy way to solve things. But now it was more of comfort, the more weight she lost the closer she was to being perfect. It had been exactly a month since Marissa had seen Ryan, the auditions for the new girl would be that weekend, and her parents had said the court dates would start in the next few weeks. It had been a perfect day to binge and feel full for at least a little while.

She was at the market when she ran into Ryan, she felt him staring at her bony body. The body that he had once cherished, it had been skinny no doubt, but not like this he thought. The beautifully framed face was jagged with bones and had no color whatsoever, making it more of a ghostly white. Her body which was once more supple and voluptuous was frail and weak. Her breasts had lost all form and had went down in size dramatically. Her long graceful legs looked half their normal size and her eyes…they had vanished, no longer were the bright blue they usually were, but they were pale and powerless. Her large sweatshirt covered most of her body except for one of her shoulders, leaving a clear view of the bones that were sticking out. They talked for a couple minutes, exchanging polite hello's and how are you's but she kept her head done most of the conversation until he put his finger underneath her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his.

"Are you okay?" he asked seriously, concern laced through every single word. She barely nodded and looked away trying to hide the tears that filled her eyes. He turned her head back to his view, "Marissa…look at me" and she did. She looked at him with all the strength she had, which wasn't much. She had nothing left, he could clearly see that in her eyes, but would never admit it. He hadn't been much better, but was taking care of himself, which couldn't be said for Marissa.

"I'm fine Ryan…just leave me alone" she said before walking away from him. He stood there not knowing what to do, chase after her or just let her go? He had let her go before he was aware, but he knew that now was the time that she needed him. So he followed her, he followed her back to her apartment. She got to her massive penthouse apartment and stepped inside, fully aware that he had been following her. It hadn't been more than 45 seconds before he knocked on the door. She opened the door and stared at him, not knowing what to say to him. "Marissa…I want to help you…but I don't know how-" but was cut off halfway by Marissa. "Help me?" she asked with blazing eyes, "you want to help me? Why?" she asked, almost yelling. "You need help Marissa! Look at yourself, you're as skinny as a rail" he said before running a hand over his face, but Marissa was quick with her rebuttal. "You don't get to say if I need help or not, you left me remember? I don't need your help, I'm fine now and I don't owe any explanations for how I chose to repair what _you_ broke" Marissa said coldly, as she emphasized the "you" with distain completely apparent.

She went to close the door but he stopped it with his hand and went into the apartment, desperately trying to pull her into a hug, but she tried as hard as she could to push him away, but he wouldn't let her. She eventually gave up, allowing herself to get lost in the arms that had offered her support so many times. He held her for what felt like hours, but it was the best feeling he had felt in a long time. He picked her frail body up into his arms and carried her to her bed where they laid down together and he wrapped his arms around her while she put her head on his chest. A position they would go into after they made love or when they just wanted to be near each other.

She cried into his shoulder while he offered sweet nothings into her ear and stroked her freshly dyed dark brown hair, trying to support her best he could. She eventually stopped and all was silent in the apartment, all that could be heard was their light breathing. She spoke so quietly that he wasn't sure whether it was her or just his imagination but it was her and he listened to every word, "I do need help…I just don't know how to fix it…everything's all messed up and I cant do anything anymore" she said. Ryan brought her face up to meet his eyes, "you tell me the problem and we'll fix it together" he said supportively.

Over time they did fix most of their problems, her parents did get a divorce but she learned to deal with it, fortunately they were still as supportive as ever. The Nutcracker did choose the new girl, but not because she was better, because Marissa called before the audition and resigned. Her and Ryan had talked about it, he hadn't even suggested it, she had just looked up at him and said "I've always wondered what it would be like to stop doing the Nutcracker…I think I'd like it" she said quietly with a smile. He supported her every decision.

As for her eating disorder, they were still dealing with that today. It was 10 months later and they were living together, Ryan, Marissa and Marissa' eating disorder. As hard as Marissa tried to fight it, nothing seemed to work. It was still the comfort rock that existed in her mind for when Ryan wasn't around, it was something she needed, or at least thought she did.

Ryan made his way into their apartment after work and took off his suit jacket. Although he didn't get the major job at New York Stock Exchange, he was working for Merrill Lynch, another NYC stock company that worked with the Stock Exchange every day. He did love his job though, he heard from men that used to work for the exchange that it was a lot less stress than working at Merrill Lynch, so he was happy with his choice. He slowly walked to their bedroom where she was getting ready to go out to dinner with him. "Hey you" Marissa said before getting up to go give him a kiss, which he gladly accepted. "Hey" he replied tiredly, she placed her hand on his cheek and he half smiled at her. "I'll be ready to go in ten minutes I promise" she said with a smile before going back to her vanity, Ryan just stayed by the doorway, watching her intently.

She had gained some more weight, she looked more healthy but still not healthy enough. _"She needs to gain more weight"_ her doctor had said; _she's still dangerously low for someone of her height and age_, the words remained in his mind. She was a lot happier though, he had noticed, but still he noticed moments where she would just stare at her stomach, she would have a look of complete distain on her face, and would pinch two fingers together on her stomach and stare at the tiny bit of fat that seemed to amount in the middle of her fingers, almost as if that amount was tragic when it was hardly anything.

When he didn't answer her, she turned back to him from her seat, and saw him watching her, "what?" she asked. He just shook his head before walking over to the bed, "I just thought that before we go, we could talk about something" he said as she turned completely to him. "Sure…that's fine" she said before putting down her mascara, she turned back to him and he unsteadily looked up at her, which made her stomach feel uneasy. "I was talking to one of my friends at work…his name's Greg and he was telling me about how his sister Kelly has anorexia" he started off quietly, but as soon as the word anorexia fell from his mouth, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him. "And he told that she got a lot of help from this residential clinic-" he started to say but she cut him off.

"No Ryan, I'm not going there" she said firmly, he looked helplessly at her. "Marissa, this could help you" he said. "What about you?" Marissa shot back fiercely, "you don't want to help me anymore?" she asked. Ryan made his way over to her and tried to wrap his arms around her but she just pushed his arms off and walked to the other side of the bed. "Of course I want to help you but I don't know how to help you and I hate not being able to help but I just don't know how" he said before grabbing something from his pocket. It was a pamphlet; he put it on the bed in front of her which she grabbed quickly, which was all Ryan needed to see. "It could work Marissa, no more suffering …and we can move on and be the couple we're supposed to be" he said.

She stared at the pamphlet for a couple minutes and then sank down to the corner of the bed, "you don't want to deal with me anymore…do you?" she murmured as she started to cry into her hands, which made him run to her and wrap his arms around her small body. "That isn't true Marissa…I promise you that right now… I'm not leaving you for anything" he said as she hysterically cried into his neck. He slowly ran his hands up and down her back, "Marissa I love you more than anything, you're my whole world baby…I would do anything for you… you know that" he said as he kissed her temple lovingly. "But I just can't watch you hurt yourself anymore…I'm not being a good boyfriend if I keep on doing that" he said. "So please go for me Marissa…go for me and get better, and I promise that I will be there as much as I can and that I will be there in a second to come get you if you really hate it" he said as he stared into her eyes. Marissa just nodded her head, "okay" she said quietly. Ryan looked at her, "okay?" he said, Marissa nodded her head once again, "okay…I'll go" she said.

A couple weeks later, Marissa and Ryan stood in Marissa's bedroom at the Casa Palmera Clinic in Del Mar, California, saying goodbye, at least for the time being. Marissa turned to him as one of the staff left the bedroom for them to say goodbye to each other. She leaned in and hugged him as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. She cried lightly into his shoulder as he ran his hands down her back, "you'll be fine…I promise…this is one of the best clinics" he said. Marissa nodded her head and pulled her head back and leaned her forehead onto his. He kissed her lightly on the lips but as he started to pull away, she pulled him back in. She urged her tongue into his mouth and he felt every passion he had for her go into that kiss, that last kiss they would have for a while. She pulled back after a couple minutes and took a deep breath; he smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "Remember, I'm only one phone call away" he said as he started to unwrap her arms. She nodded her head as they started to exchange last goodbyes. He pulled away from her and slowly left the room.

Marissa looked around the beautifully decorated room, feeling more afraid than ever, until she heard someone re-enter the room and turned to see Ryan rushing back towards her. He pulled her into his arms and held her, while she grabbed onto him, hoping that he'd never leave. After a couple minutes, he pulled away once again and kissed her forehead then her lips softly. "I love you…so much" he said before running his hands down her back. "I thought I'd just tell you that before I left" he said quietly before grabbing one of her hands and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss. "I love you too" she said. He pulled his hands away and smiled at her, a beautiful smile it was, a smile reserved for her and walked out of the room, one last time.


	2. Finding Shelter From The Storm

Eight months.

That's how long she had been gone. That's how long it had been since he had last kissed her, since he had last held her, and since he had last seen her. He had offered to come visit her in the Rehabilitation Center numerous amount of times but every time she had the same answer: "it will be too hard if you come out here, it will only make the recovery harder for me." Overall, he understood, of course it would make it so much harder for the both of them. But it didn't make it any less easy not to be with her, her voice on the phone wasn't sufficient enough for what he desired.

But nothing made him happier when she called a few days before that, telling him that he needed to book a plane ticket for her to come home because she was being released. She did it, she was finally better and the enthusiasm in her voice only made his happiness sore even higher in the endless sky. He booked the ticket straight away, getting her a first class seat as soon as possible.

It been so long ago but he still could remember everything that they gone through together before she went away. It had been so amazing at first that he never expected it to end…but it did. It abruptly ended when she landed the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker. He had been ecstatic for her because she was getting what she deserved, the job for a truly talented ballet dancer. He had watched her perform many times, every time being more fulfilling than the last. He watched as she arched her thin legs, spun, stood on her tippy toes, did plié after plié with exact persission and no mistakes. She would stand center stage in front of all New York City with no sight of apprehension in her blood, only discipline.

She was the best at what she did and who she was. She always had been. Whether it be school, piano, her looks, her family and especially ballet. She had gone to Juliard and was expected to be the best. But even though she seemed perfect to everyone else, Ryan saw all of her. He saw the bad things about her and the good things about her, which to Ryan, the goods numerously outweighed the bad. Which was why Marissa loved him so much, she didn't have to be perfect with Ryan, she could be messy, she could be cranky, she could lounge around in her pajamas and he only loved her more for it.

But things took a dire turn when things started to go terribly wrong in her life. Her parents had decided to file a divorce because their marriage was not working any longer for them. Her second problem was that the Nutcracker had told her she needed to lose her excess weight or she would be replaced, which led to her biggest dilemma, Ryan breaking up with her because they never spent time together any more.

Marissa tried to work her way through her problems by talking to Ryan and losing weight but losing weight caused her to do things that weren't the best solution. She skipped meals, stopped eating entirely, thinking that because it solved one problem then maybe it could solve them all. Her and Ryan eventually broke up, letting their love diminish which caused Marissa's disorder only to grow farther and take over her, both mentally and physically.

They did see each other again, which brought them back to each other. They tried to work through their problems, leading Marissa to quit the Nutcracker and for her to accept her parents divorce. Ryan and Marissa eventually became a strong couple again but the only thing they didn't work on was Marissa's obvious eating disorder.

After strong convincing from Ryan, she finally said yes, she would go to Rehab in California for help. She left and had stayed for eight long months, working on a recovery for her and Ryan, but mostly herself. Ryan had talked to her many times, making sure that she was content and especially making sure that she knew how much he was in love her with her. They were both twenty three years old and had so much more life ahead of them but Ryan was sure that he would spend his life with her, he didn't know how, but he just knew.

So he stood in the middle of Laguardia Airport, the airport closest to their Manhattan Apartment, waiting for the love of his life to come off the plane. He stood with a bouquet of white cala lillies, her absolute favorite. He stood nervously in his white polo shirt and jeans, his hair was freshly cut, and he shaved that morning, giving him a clean cut look that he secretly knew she loved.

He looked through the crowd and in the sea of black and brown hair, he saw blonde. He saw her beautiful face with a radiant smile. She looked so much more gorgeous than he could remember and he couldn't wait to hold her and kiss her. She saw him and started to run towards him, excitement apparent in every single step. As soon as she was close enough, she dropped her bags, and jumped into his arms, causing him to drop her flowers. Her lips instantly found his, kissing him in a frenzy and keeping him as close as humanly possible.

She pulled back, keeping her face close to his, "I missed you" she said above a whisper and he nodded, "I can't even explain how much I missed you..and how glad I am that you're home" he said with a bright smile before leaning in and kissing her familiar lips once again. He set her down on the ground and they seperated as he leaned down and picked up her flowers, "these are for you" he said before softly handing them to her. She gawked in awe, "cala lillies…their my favorite, how did you remember?" she asked. Ryan merely shrugged, "how could I forget?" he stated back with a small smile and reached down to pick up her luggage.

They held hands as they walked out of the airport to a taxi, bringing them back to the familiar city of lights and magic that she hadn't seen in many months. She stared at the bright lights out the window, marvelling at how beautiful the city was at night. She turned to him, to see him already watching her intently, "you're absolutely beautiful…do you know that?" he said as he leaned closer to her, causing her to blush. He passionately kissed her lips, leaving something to be desired, and pulled back as they reached as their apartment building.

They entered their apartment building, fervor overtaking all of their senses. Ryan carelessly dropped their bags as he agressively pushed Marissa up against the back of the door as they continued to passionately kiss each other. Marissa teasingly bit his bottom lip, something she knew that he loved, which elicited a groan from Ryan. Marissa lifted her legs and wrapped them around Ryan's waist, rubbing her body up against his. Ryan carried Marissa to their bedroom, allowing themselves to fall onto the bed. They quickly lost their clothes, one article of clothing at a time, until all was left was bare skin.

Ryan roughly kissed down her neck, causing Marissa to moan loudly in anticipation. He kissed down her chest and to her stomach, softening his kiss with each new spot. He came back up to her face, breathing heavily, "are you sure?" he asked and she nodded quickly before leaning up and kissing him. Marissa moaned as they became one, burying her face in his neck to stifle her shrill moans. They engaged in some of the most passionate love making that they had ever experienced together. Their bodies mended together for the first time in months, bringing back every single ounce of love that might have been missing.

A little while later, they laid tangled in their bed, keeping a close hold on one another. Ryan laid his head on her chest which was scantily clad with their thin white sheets. She continued to run her fingers through his short hair, feeling mirth overcome her for being with him once again after so long. He sat up and took a sip of the water on their nightstand and laid back down, turning fully onto his stomach. He leaned down and kissed in between her breasts, "you're perfect" he mumbled as he kissed her in between her breasts once again. She felt cold and wet lips from the water on her skin and shuddered, feeling the words bounce off her.

"I'm glad one of us thinks so" she said with a weak smile. Ryan sat up, intently gazing into her eyes. "Is it hard…hard being home again?" he asked quietly. Marissa sighed as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "It is and it isnt. I'm so glad to be home with you" she said with a smile, "but its hard because I feel so vulnerable without that protection of Rehab. Those women watched me eat and made sure I did, but now…I have to do it all on my own and it scares me" she whispered as she leaned her head back against the pillows, feeling tears come to her eyes.

"I don't want you to have to watch me like a wayward child…you're my boyfriend, not my babysitter…so yes, it is hard being home…it will be for a little while" she finished, seeing a flash of disappointment flow through his eyes, "but don't think that makes me any less happy to be here with you" she added, bringing a smile to his face. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, "I think you're going to be just fine…you're such a strong person Marissa, I'm so proud of you and I know that you can make it through this. And you have me for every step of the way and so much more" he said, seeing tears escape her eyes. He brushed away her tears and held her closely to him before laying down and pulling her with him to lay on his bare chest.

A few months later, Marissa and Ryan were stronger than ever. They had managed to work through the rest of Marissa's treatment and she was finally beginning to recieve the closure from her eating disorder that she needed.

Ryan and Marissa sat in their hotel room, celebrating their two year anniversary from the original day they had started dating, not the date they got back together after their breakup. They had stayed the night at the Plaza Hotel in a very beautiful and expensive suite. They had woken up, made love, taken a nap, took a bath together, exchanged gifts, and had already gone on their picnic in Central Park. They had dinner planned at an amazing five star restaurant then tickets to the Nutcracker, a last minute surprise by Ryan that suprisingly enough, Marissa was excited to go and see. He bought the tickets hoping that she'd go with him, thinking she might not want to go but if she did say yes then maybe this could be the closure she deserved.

They sat at the table, hands held in the middle of the table. Ryan wore black dress slacks, white dress shirt and matching black suit jacket while Marissa wore a very beautiful floorlength strapless light pink gown with an empire waist and a bodice and neckline adorn in Swarovski crystals. The dress had been a gift for her to wear that night which Ryan had bought for her, he had help from Marissa's mother a few weeks before when she came to the city to help him for this very occasion.

Her hair was placed in a soft bun with wisps of hair adorning her marvellous face. She wore a beauitul diamond necklace with a tear drop pendant that give had given her on her birthday and diamond earrings to match. For the first time in a while, she felt truly beautiful and with the way Ryan was looking at her, she knew that she was.

They got into their limo to go to the Nutcracker, holding hands happily. Ryan pulled her close to him, adoring her sweet scent as she wrapped her arms around him, basking in the masculine musky scent that she loved. "You're the most beautiful woman in the world, I don't tell you that enough" he whispered huskily in her ear as she turned to face him. "You tell me all the time" she whispered back as she leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, feeling his hands snake down the skin of her back. They pulled up in front of the Radio City Music Hall and exited the limo together.

They got into their box seats, glancing next to their seats they saw the Mayor of New York City and his wife on one side and a famous singer with her husband on the other side. They waited patiently for the show to start when Ryan turned to her and excused himself to go the bathroom.

Marissa sat quietly, feeling a sudden nerve spark in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't been here in so long that she hardly recognized it. She did not know why but this place brought back some of the best and worst memories from her past. She had been seen the highest and lowest points of her life while working here. She worked every day for the Nutcracker, she forced herself to be the best Sugar Plum Fairy and she was, for a little while at least and knew that no one could ever take that title away from her. She saw the lights dim and heard the obstreperous audience simmer down in that moment to see a man come to the center of the stage.

"Hello everyone…tonight is a very special night. It is the opening night of the Nutcracker once again and it is also special for a young couple. I never do this but for the particular woman in the couple, I have made an exception." Marissa smiled, feeling a tug string at her heart for how sweet this was and wondered where Ryan could be? "The woman used to perform in the Nutcracker and in my opinion, one of the best Sugar Plum Fairies we've ever had the privelige of working with. The couple's name is Ryan Atwood and Marissa Cooper" the man said and Marissa felt her chin drop in shock. "And tonight, the couple is having their two year anniversary and Ryan has a very important question for Marissa" the man said as Ryan made his way to the stage, eliciting great applause and cheers from the crowd.

Marissa stood up, gazing at Ryan in confusion and surprise. Ryan looked right up at her as he spoke, "Marissa, I know we've only been dating for two years but we've gone through so much together and I know for a fact that I'll never want to be with any other woman for the rest of my life unless that woman is you" he said causing tears to come to Marissa's eyes and to the eyes of many women in the audience. "I had to ask you here and tonight because I know that I never want to lose you, and I know that this place still means a lot to you and holds a special place in your heart just like you hold a very special place in mine. So I'm asking you on our two year anniversary, a day that I've never seen you look more beautiful, to be my wife for the rest of our lives?" he asked.

Marissa felt the tears cascade down her cheeks as she stood quietly. She continued to stare at him, not knowing if all this was real or some fantasy in her mind. But in that moment, she did what her heart needed her to do. She nodded her head and in the absolutely silent Radio City Music Hall, she yelled the words "Yes Ryan, I'll marry you!." Ryan smiled and ran off the stage as the crowd cheered and applauded as he made his way up the stairs to their box seats. She wiped the tears off her cheek and turned to him as he ran towards her and jumped excitedly into his arms, kissing his lips fervently. He pulled back with a bright smile as he grabbed her hand and slipped the Tiffany's white gold oval cut three-stone ring onto her finger.

He pulled her back into her arms, resting his head in the crook of her neck as she continued to stare at the exquisite ring on her finger. They continued to hold and kiss each other until they realized that the show had already started without them. Marissa leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips once again, "I love you" she said quietly with a smile and he returned the smile, "I love you too" he said before grabbing her hand and leading her back their seats as she started to hear the familiar music of the Sugar Plum Fairy. Marissa watched as the Fairy Plum Fairy moved around the stage with such grace, noticing that it was the same girl that they threatened to replace her with while she was Sugar Plum Fairy.

Marissa watched, remembering her days of the Nutcracker and felt the novelty slowly wear off. Yes, it had been the glory days of her ballet career but they weren't the glory days of her life. That very day, the day Ryan proposed to her, that was a glory day. The day Ryan rescued her from herself and her eating disorder, that was a glory day. The day she realized that being the Sugar Plum Fairy wasn't everything, that was a glory day. The day she got married to Ryan, that was a glory day and the days they had their first baby, that was a glory day. The list went on and on for Marissa. She finally realized that the things she was told would make her happy such as the Nutcracker, never ended up doing what she was told they would do.

Sometimes during their engagement for the hell of it, she would pull out her old ballet pointe shoes and practice in her bedroom alone, reciting every part of her dance from the Broadway performance. She'd smile at herself in the mirror and say: "I still got it" with a spin and a twirl before sitting down and removing her pointe shoes. She'd place them in the box and put them back in her closet, hearing Ryan's familiar voice call her from the livingroom. She'd go and join him on the couch, feeling him wrap his arms around her and snuggling into his embrace, knowing that no pointe shoes could ever make her feel as comfortable than in the arms of the man she loved more than anyone or anything. "You still go it?" he'd question with a smirk and she'd turn and face him, a smile gracing her lips, "absolutely."

Ryan had saved her. It was like she had been drowning and he kept her afloat.

But she was no longer drowning, she was living.


End file.
